I vividly remember how itchy and lonely I was during my first bout of depression. Nothing appealed to me. I didn't want to be awake but I didn't want to go to bed. I felt isolated but I didn't want to talk to anyone. Work both distracted and frustrated me. It was a struggle to remember things I liked, and for the life of me, I couldn't think of anyone who would be willing to spend time with me. Feeling good seemed like a distant, unattainable memory. Emotional emergencies lik

Confession time: I'm a people pleaser in recovery. Even as a shy little kid I wanted to do what would make those around me happiest, even if it didn't feel comfortable or enjoyable. This happened in little ways, like going to a sleepover even though little introverted Emily hated being with any strangers for even a brief time, let alone an entire night with my stomach tied in knots. It also happened in larger ways, like befriending someone because they seemed lonely, even if

It took me years of pondering to sign up for a yoga teacher training. I'd loved informally teaching friends and kids at camp, and yet every time I started to think seriously about making it official, my inner critic would jump up and start hurling insults! "You can't stand on your head, and if you can't do the impressive arm balances, you have no business being a yoga teacher!" "There are too many yoga teachers in this area already. What you offer isn't needed." "You don't lo

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time thinking about my body. I wanted to be shorter and thinner, with shinier hair and whiter teeth. As early as elementary school, my friends and I would stress over how wrong our bodies looked. "UGH! I can't believe I ate that entire sandwich. I feel huge and disgusting." "You aren't fat! You're so pretty. I am waaay fatter than you." The fear of fat was so all-encompassing that on days when my pants felt tight, all of the qualities I li

Some of you have followed my writing since I started a little Tumblr blog in 2010 to connect with students and friends who were curious about yoga for depression and body image issues. It was amazing to read your comments and have deep conversations about mental health with you. Thank you so much for your support! A few of you actually met me through my MySpace blog over a decade ago. I feel like I owe more than a word of thanks to you brave souls. I owe you a drink! One of t

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.” – Gail Sheehy One of the most tumultuous times of change in my life was when I embarked on yoga teacher training. I’d deliberated over teacher training for years and was determined and passionate to teach classes that felt safe and accessible to people whose bodies didn’t match the stereotypical yogi physique. When I showed up to the studio on day 1, I may as well have had my eyes tightly scrunche

Without fail, James Taylor’s music always makes me tear up. The first couple chords of “Shower the People” transport me to my family’s Volvo station wagon on the way to the beach, or dancing around the living room with a tape cassette player clutched in my 5th grade hands. It doesn’t matter where I am when I hear him—the bus, a wedding reception, a crowded coffee shop, or the produce section at Harris Teeter—it’s an instant, sweet kind of nostalgia, and it always brings my fe

I was miserable in my first job out of graduate school. It’s not that the job itself was awful—I was working on meaningful research, had a short commute, and was surrounded by nice coworkers—I was miserable with the way I felt during the workweek. Over weekends I was able to recover some energy for activities I loved, like seeing bands with friends, learning new songs on guitar, and walking on a nearby trail. But Sunday afternoon the anxiety started creeping in. I’d fantastiz

Image source Having a truly crappy day? Give yourself a break with these turnarounds: Connect. When something really painful happens, I immediately reach out to two people: my partner, Mark, and my best friend. I can always count on Mark to give me a hug and put a cat on my lap, and my best friend will sit on the phone with me while I cry, and offer to exact revenge on anyone who has wronged me. Even if I’m not ready to talk about it and my best friend (probably) won't public

Over the past few months I’ve developed tendonitis in my ankle, most likely from wearing shoes with poor support while dancing (please learn from my mistakes, fellow dancers!). I’ve had to put my favorite hobby on hold while my ankle heals, and I really miss walking, which is where I do a lot of thinking and processing. One of my loved ones has been experiencing a lot of back pain, so he’s been sidelined from his active lifestyle as well. He’s clearly mourning the loss of tim